Holby City - Dominic - Notches
by Gairoo
Summary: Dominic has been self-harming for several weeks now. A notch a day, without fail as life at the hospital begins to get to him. However, when one very stressful day caused Dominic to make a mistake, he must try and cover up his tracks, otherwise his secret will be out, and goodness knows how the doctors and nurses of Holby City will react.
1. Chapter 1

Dominic looked down at his arm, the tears now dried to his face. The four clear cuts along his arm, still gently bleeding, throbbed as he ran his thumb over them, feeling the sting of the salt from his finger in his fresh wounds.

"Dominic! We're going now!" Zosia's voice called through his bedroom door. He hurridely pulled his sleeve down, hiding the four cuts, as well as the others further up that had already begun to scar.

"Here Zosh, sorry, I had to grab some...stuff." He said, running a hand through his hair. Zosia grinned, and hurried to the door, signalling him to follow.

Once they were outside the front of the hospital Dom began to feel the effects of the blood loss. He had never done more than one cut a day, at most, and was now beginning to regret doing so many so soon.

"You ok?" Digby asked from Zosia's side, "You look a little frazzled." Dom snorted, and lifted his head as he sped up his stride.

"I'm fine Digby.

Digby shrugged, and Zosia smiled, linking arms with him and walking after the strutting Dominic.

* * *

"Alright people, we have three patients who were involved in a knife fight, two middle aged men, beds 3 and 4 and a young woman in bed 6." Dominic leaned against the front desk as Mrs. Campbell discussed their patients, fumbling with the sleeve of his grey jacket.

"Zosia you can take bed 6, Digby bed 3 and Dominic," Serena paused, and waited for the man to look up at her. "Eh hem!" She coughed, and Dominic startled.

"Urgh, yes Mrs. Campbell?" He said, meeting her gaze with a grin.

Serena sighed, "You can have bed 4." She waved her hand in dismissal, and as Dominic passed her she caught him by the arm. She turned the man towards her and grumbled, "Need I remind you Dr. Copeland, that we do not wear 'jackets' inside the hospital. Take it off."

Dominic flinched and pulled himself free. "Sorry Mrs. Campbell, I'm just... cold." he said, raising an eyebrow gently, and smiling.

Serena made a light smile back and tilted her head towards the locker room. "Take it off please Dominic, no jackets." Dominic slumped, and shuffled towards the locker room, not willing to risk a furious battle between himself and Serena, as he knew she would win.

* * *

Dominic had one hand covering the scars down his left arm, his eyes watching cautiously. He made his way to bed 4, and snatched up the clipboard. The man laying before him was, apparently, called Ashton Johnson. He was 28, and had gorgeous eyes. Dominic looked away from the patient and down at his notes.

"Hi there Mr. Johnson, my name is Dr. Copeland, and I will be your doctor today." he said, holding the folder in one hand, the other covering the scars still.

"Hi..." muttered the man, staring blankly to his right. Dominic followed his line of sight and saw Digby standing over the other man.

"It appears-" Dom started, trying to bring the patient back to what he was saying, "that you have a large wound to your lower stomach, and several bruises around you neck. We have you booked in for a chest X-Ray, a CT scan and some bloods. When those come back we can go further, alright?" The man grumbled his response.

"Ok, so not the most talkative." Dominic muttered. The man's head snapped around to face him, his eyes narrowed as he sat forward to fix Dominic with an aggressive glare.

"Oh, and you would be when you and your girlfriend are attacked by a maniac at a bar!" Dominic flinched slightly, and lowered his head slightly.

"I didn't mean any offence, I am just trying to help you." Dominic grumbled, before striding back to the front desk.

* * *

The dizziness had eased now, and as he checked the fresher scars, he saw they were already scabbing over. He sighed, they never lasted long enough. He still felt the sting of his patient's words as he sat in the locker room, the accusing look in his eyes, like everything was his fault.

Dominic slumped, his head in his hands, wishing he had brought a razor, or something with him. To ease the pain. He looked up, his hands resting on either side of his head as he scanned the room.

One of the lockers was ajar, and it appeared to be Digby's. Dominic looked at the door cautiously, before leaping up and opening it. Inside was a men's wash bag. Dominic unzipped it and inside was a small razor. He pulled it out and pushed the bag back into the locker.

As he turned around he staggered as he saw Zosia standing in the doorway.

"Oh god, Zosia you nearly gave me a heart attack!" Dominic exclaimed, shoving the razor into his pocket.

"Right," Zosia muttered quietly, coming into the room more, "what were you doing in Arthur's locker?" she asked, suspicion lacing her tone. Dominic gulped.

"Nothing, don't worry about it Zosh. I just needed to grab something for him. He's so busy with that man in bed 3." Dom said, moving to squeeze past her.

Zosia sighed and let him pass, and Dominic scuttled down the halls towards the toilets.

His patient could wait, he needed to deal with his own pain.

* * *

Dominic sat in the cubicle, the lid down, his eyes fixed on the razor. Gently he removed one of the blades, placing the razor on the window sill beside him. As he took up the blade in between his fingers, he remembered that song he had thought of when he first began to cut himself:

 _One cut for love_

 _Two cuts for pain_

 _Three cuts for jealousy_

 _Four cuts for blame_

 _Five cuts for sorrow_

 _Six cuts for death_

 _Seven cuts for seeing tomorrow again._

He blinked suddenly and made a soft gasp as he realized that with each verse he had unconsciously cut himself. Seven times. He let out a soft moan of pain, and scrunched up some toilet roll and pressed it against his arm. He had really gone too far this time. There was no way someone wouldn't spot this. Not now. He now had the four from that morning and seven new, fresh cuts, bleeding freely down his arm, and with a sick feeling in his stomach he also noticed, the floor, spattered with his blood. A grand total of eleven new scars. Eleven! That was about how many little white scars decorated his upper arm.

He was in a huge mess. He sighed, and decided he might as well return to the ward, try and patch everything up. He stood, and realized that the uneasy dizziness had returned, and he hurriedly steadied himself against the cubicle door. He knew he would have to take it slow, and quietly unbolted the door.

Luckily there was no one else int eh bathroom, and so he shuffled over to the sink. He quickly turned on the taps and ran the cold water over his cuts. He sighed at the cool relief it gave him.

* * *

"Where's Dominic, Mr. Johnson has been left unattended for ages now, and his CT and X-Rays are back?" Digby said, placing the folder on the front desk.

"I saw him heading towards the toilets," Zosia chipped in as she strode passed him o get to her own patient.

"Thanks Zosh." Digby called over his shoulder as he hurried that way.

He entered the toilets, and it was empty. He made to leave when a strong, metallic smell hit his nose. He turned around slowly and headed into the area. The cubicle doors were all half open, except the last one.

With a gasp, Digby realized there was a pool of blood coming out from under the door. He shoved open the cubicle door to find i completely empty...

Apart from a small men's razor, that looked suspiciously like his own, except it was missing a blade. Digby plucked the razor off of the window sill and raced out of the bathroom back towards the ward.

* * *

Dominic panted as he stood behind the door to enter the bathroom. He was surprised that it was Digby who had rushed in, and was suddenly panicking when he saw how quickly Arthur legged it back to the ward.

He sighed, and looked down at his arm. The bleeding had stopped, but it hadn't scabbed yet and looked very fresh. He knew that he had to get back to Keller, without anyone realizing what he had done.

Dominic sneaked out from around the door and checked that there was no one around before dashing back across to the locker room.

Once inside, he hurriedly locked the door, and looked around to see if there was anything he could use to hide his scars. His jacket was out of the question, gloves would look ridiculous, and bandages would be too obvious.

His eyes suddenly lighted on Zosia's makeup bag. Slowly, Dominic made his way across the floor, and unzipped the bag, the contents falling onto the floor with a collective clatter. Dom winced, and looked towards the door, but no one could be heard, yet. Once he was sure he wouldn't be interrupted, he searched for the concealer. He grinned, picking up the little tin, and was satisfied by its reasonably heavy weights, indicating there was plenty of it to be used.

Dominic scooped the products back into their owner's bag and slid it back into the locker, and made to sit on the bench when he heard hurrying feet and raised voices. His eyes widened with alarm and he hurriedly ducked behind the lockers.

* * *

"Mrs. Campbell!" Arthur cried, racing around the corner into Keller, "Sacha!" he slammed to a stop as he collided with Mr. Self.

"Arthur..?" Guy asked, looking down his nose at the F2, his eyes narrowing, "what are you doing, running through the halls and shouting?"

Arthur panted, doubled over, and looked up at Guy, "Sorry Mr. Self, I was just in the men's toilet and there was-" Mr. Self rolled his eyes, placing a hand on his hips.

"This had better be good Dr. Digby." he grumbled.

"Well," continued Arthur, voice tipping on annoyed, "there was a pool of blood in the end cubicle, and I found a razor... a blade is missing," he said, producing the item.

Guy looked in surprise, eyes darting from Arthur to the razor, and then back again. "I see," he said, turning to Sacha who was now strolling over, "Mr. Levy, can you call security, we have a large pool of blood in the men's toilet cubicles." Sacha opened his mouth to say something, but snapped it shut, and headed for the phone.

While Guy briefed the men, Arthur turned to look at the main desk, Zosia was there, leaning across so she could hear what her father was talking about, but there was no Dom. Dominic, the center of all gossip and goings on, and he wasn't there...

"Shall we go, you can lead the way Dr. Digby." Guy's voice broke Arthur's flow of thought and he nodded.

"Of course Mr. Self." He said sharply before leading them back down the hall he had gone down.

The band of men, led by Arthur and Guy, raced down the corridor towards the toilets. Upon entering Guy halted at the door, the stench of iron strong in the room.

"Clean this up, and barricade it from the public," Guy instructed the men, now turning to Arthur, "Now you, Dr. Digby, are going to take a sample of the blood and run it through our database and see if you can find a match of a patient or staff member."

Arthur nodded and bent down under the already erected stand clear tape covering the door. Crouching down and collecting the sample he needed before heading back towards Keller.

He moved a little slower, eyeing the staff room. An easy escape, he thought. But when Guy bellowed at him to get a move on, he gently jogged the remaining distance to Keller

* * *

Dominic sighed, the ruckus outside his sanctity now going still, he began applying the concealer to his arm. He let out a gasp at the sting it caused that now rippled up his arm. But he continued until the marks were barely visible at all, now only small lumps beneath the makeup.

Now content with his work, Dom dropped the tin into his pocket in case he needed to apply more later, and exited the staff room.

"Ah Dr. Copeland there you are." Dominic turned slowly, and smiled at Mr. Self.

"Yes, hello Mr. Self." he said, lowering his gaze slightly. Guy was wearing rubber gloves, and Dominic returned his gaze to the man's eyes, suppressing a nervous shiver.

"I believe Dr. Digby was looking for you." Guy gave Dominic a gently push in the right direction and Dominic didn't hesitate for a moment to evacuate the area.

Once he was sure he was out of Guy's sight, he leaned against the nearest wall and sighed, dropping his eyes to his arm, as he subconsciously ran his index finger over the little scarred lumps of skin.

"Dom!" Dominic startled, but relaxed at Digby's presence.

"Hello Diggers." Dominic joked lightly, pushing off of the wall to stand by his friend. What Dom hadn't counted on was his blood loss finally catching up to him, and he was starting to feel that now. However he continued to smile at Digby as his world spiraled from the now ceasing adrenaline that had been keeping him on his fet since the event.

"I've been looking all over for you. But now I've found you," Digby reached into his pocket and produced the little vile of blood, "I found a pool of blood in the men's toilets, and Mr. Self has asked me to run a DNA match test on it and see if it belongs to anyone in the hospital." Dominic's eyes widened as he went pale. The one thing he had overlooked. His own bloodied mess.

"Oh," Dominic said, faking interest as he reached for the edge of the desk to steady himself, "really. I-I wonder how a whole pool of blood got there."

Digby nodded, barely hearing him as he sent the vile off to the lab, "Yeah well," he said pulling a file down in front of hi,, "I'd hate to be the poor guy who lost that much blood, who ever it is will be feeling that soon," Arthur continued to go through his paperwork as Dom leaned himself against the desk, "anyway-" Digby looked up.

Dominic barely had time to react, his vision blurring and his head feeling light and distant. Everything before him began to go black, as he teetered side ways. Arthur jumped forward, placing his arms under Dominic's and easing the man to the floor.

Dominic lay still, out cold, his eyes fluttering lightly as he internally fought to stay conscious. Digby looked around anxiously, rolling Dominic into the recovery position.

* * *

Zosia looked up from the magazine and smiled.

They had moved Dominic into the staff room and let him lay on the sofa. A soft moan from Dominic signaled his rousing.

"Hello you." Zosia chipped in with a smile, moving in her chair to face him.

Dominic's vision began to return as he assessed where he was. The fact he was in the staff room caused him to startle, then he recalled the previous events and eased back. "Hello Zosh." he grumbled drearily.

He sat up, and a smile tickled the corner of his mouth as he realized someone had pulled a blanket over him.

"You fainted." Zosia said again, the smile replaced with a more concerned look.

"Clearly Zosia." Dominic said lightly, pulling the blanket away and sitting on the edge of the sofa while he gathered his thoughts.

"Was it all that talk of the blood in that toilet. Its all been cleaned up and sectioned off. Digby should be getting the results soon." Zosia said, reaching over to place a hand on Dominic's shoulder.

Zosia tilted her head at Dom's shell shocked look. "Don't worry, I used to hate blood too-" Dominic jumped up and moved to the door.

"Thanks Zosia, but I think I should go and see that patient of mine now." Zosia nodded and waved him out, continuing to smile as she turned back to her magazine.

* * *

Dominic zoned in on Digby, who was hovering by the desk.

"Ah, Dominic," Arthur called over, eyes lighting on the man striding towards him, "glad to see you up and about. Everything ok?" He asked, taking a step towards Dom.

"Yeah, yeah, fine. Have those results come through, from that blood sample?" Dominic asked, tilting his head to see a nurse approaching with a folder.

"Well, that will be them now." Digby said smiling, taking the file. "I had better take this to Mr. Self." Dominic felt his heart jump.

"I'll-I'll come with you then." he said, jumping to stand beside Arthur. Digby looked him over quickly and shrugged.

"O-Okay then. Bit keen." Dominic settled quickly and tried to look disinterested. Digby quirked his eyebrows and cast a suspicious glance at him.

Arthur led the way down the hall towards Mr. Self's office. Digby raised his fist and knocked on the door. Mr. Self's booming voice answered. "Come in."

Digby looked at Dominic and tilted his head, "Are you coming in?" Dominic hesitated and shook his head.

"Nah, I'll go and deal with my patient."

* * *

"I have the results back for you now Mr. Johnson." The grumbling man looked up at Dominic and sighed.

"Ah yes, finally!" He growled, sitting up. The blood now dried and caking his face, "That maniac has already been treated, but me and my girlfriend are made to wait!" Dominic winced.

"I promise you, Mr. Johnson, my entire concentration is on you from now on." Dominic slid the man's medical folder back into the sleeve at the end of the bed.

"Dr. Copeland," came Mr. Self's voice. Dominic froze, and looked around to find Guy standing with Sacha and Arthur, "Can you come to my office. Now."

Mr. Self began to walk that way, but Dominic hesitated. Arthur was already striding after the man, and Sacha made his way over to Dominic.

"Come on Dom, you're not in any trouble." Sacha placed a firm, yet comforting hand on Dominic's lower back. At first Dom followed the pressure, Mr. Levy guiding him forwards, but then a spark of fear ignited in him, and he froze.

"Dom?" Sacha stopped, facing the man and placing a hand on each shoulder. "It's ok. There is no need to feel nervous. He's not going to eat you." Sacha teased, hoping to settle Dominic's nerves and anxiety.

However Dominic's flight instinct was rapidly taking over, and he felt his feet scrambling backwards to get away.

Sacha's hands remained on his shoulders and Dominic let out a small squeal as he pulled away.

"Dominic calm down, you're having an panic attack. Sit down, breathe." Before Dom could grasp the idea of moving, Sacha had him on the floor, knees to his chest.

Dominic gasped at the air, feeling as though it was being sucked into a vortex. His chest heaved as he struggled to breathe, his head swimming. He had never had a panic attack before. He lay his head back against the wall his breaths coming in quick bursts.

"Dominic, concentrate on my voice." Sacha said, a hand on Dom's shoulder. "Breathe in..." he paused as Dominic obeyed, "and out..." again Dominic copied the command, but was feeling less than comfortable.

"Nurse," called Sacha to a nearby woman, "can you get me a blanket please." The nurse scurried off. Sacha continued to command Dominic's breathing until the nurse returned.

"Sit forward Dom." Mr. Levy pulled Dom up and tucked the blanket around him, he noted the beads of sweat on the man's forehead. "I'll page Mr. Self to come and fetch you and take you to his office." Sacha began to page him as Dominic's breathing shuddered back to normal.

"Ah, Mr. Levy there you are, I was wondering what was taking so long." Mr. Self came around the corner and saw Dom sitting on the floor, pale and wrapped in a blanket.

"Yes, Mr. Self, I think Dominic has had a panic attack. Could you help me move him?" Guy stooped down and helped to hoist Dom up whilst he recovered his breathing. From the side, Arthur watched him, eyes narrowed in suspicion as Sacha and Guy moved Dominic to the office.

* * *

Once inside the office, Sacha began to set Dominic up in the large chair, with the blanket still wrapped around him.

"I'll be right back, I'm going to get him a glass of water." Sacha said, leaving the room. Arthur stood by Guy's desk, while Mr. Self stood behind it.

"Dominic. We need to discuss the results of the DNA test preformed on the blood discovered in the men's toilets." Dominic looked up, his breathing now back to normal, but his heart rate still pounding in his chest.

"The blood matched your own DNA exactly. Is there anything you want to tell us?" Guy asked, leaning forward. Even Digby seemed to tense and lean in closer.

"N-No Mr. Self. I don't have anything to say." Arthur rolled his eyes.

"Dominic, stop being so pig headed and accept our help. Where is your injury, it must be substantial to have created that much blood." Arthur growled out, half shouting.

Dominic did not show how wounded he felt, he could deal with that later, he raised his head slightly, and cockily replied, "I have no wounds, scars and if I was bleeding you'd see the stain." he snapped back.

"Let me look you over Dr. Copeland." Mr. Self interjected, watching the young doctor closely. Dominic sat forward, the blanket keeping his legs tucked up beside him.

"Do what you want. I'm fine now. Just the panic attack." he said, trying to hide the nerves in his voice.

Guy came around the side of the desk, and knelt down in front of him. Sacha opened the door, causing poor Digby to jump.

"Here you go Dom. Now I had better get back to the ward," said Sacha, ignoring Mr. Self on the floor, "Come on Arthur." Digby hesitated. "Stay then, but be back in twenty minutes." Sacha exited once more, leaving the office eerily quiet.

"Ok Dominic, let's take a look." Guy pulled at the blanket and balled it up, placing it at the foot of the chair. Then he moved to Dominic.

Firstly he checked around his face and neck, but after seeing the annoyed face of Dominic, he moved on. He felt around the man's chest and down his ribs, Dominic didn't flinch, and Guy felt no strange heat coming off any area.

"Alright Dominic, give me your right arm." Dominic felt momentary relief as he presented his clean arm, but his eyes locked on a small drop of dryed blood. It was half way up his arm, and Guy saw it immediately.

"Ah ha. Now where did you get that Dominic?" Dom thought quickly.

"My patient, Mr. Johnson. He has a stab wound. I must have missed it after I washed up." he said, sighing as Guy accepted this.

Over Mr. Self's shoulder he could see Digby growing more and more impatient, eyeing Dom accusingly, like a murderer on trial.

"Ok, now the other arm then." Dominic reluctantly allowed Mr. Self to check his left arm over.

Guy moved his fingers over the man's hand and up his arm. As he did so he began to feel strange lumps. They were not high, or hard like a tumor or muscle cramp, but were thin and rather straight. The further he went up Dominic's forearm, the more he felt. Underneath his fingers he felt something else.

Guy pulled his hand back and turned it over so he could inspect his fingers. Tinting his skin was concealer. He met Dominic's anxious gaze and turned to Digby.

"Dr. Digby, could you pass me those antiseptic wipe behind you?" Dominic scrambled backwards, but Guy had a firm hold on the man's arm. Dominic winced as Guy's hands dug into his skin, and peeled away a scab that had been formed that morning. A gentle flow of blood began to trickle and Arthur's eyes alighted on Dominic's a look of guilt on his face.

Once the concealer had been removed, Dominic was faced with his handiwork. 22 scars caressed his arm. Eleven little white ones, and eleven red, and two bleeding ones.

"Dominic..." Guy could barely speak as he placed a hand to his mouth. "God, Dominic this is extensive, even by my standards." Arthur looked at Dominic again, shock clear on his face.

"W-why would you do this?" Guy asked, a sick look on his face as he tried to pull his eyes away from the sight.

"What. None of you suspected. Ha, shows what kind of 'friends' I have." Dominic said, feeling his heart begin to shatter as a tear made its way down his cheek, "It started ages ago, back when you all **hated** me, back when you'd do anything to try and _get rid_ of me!" Dominic felt more hot tears burn down his cheeks as he looked a his arm. The drops mixing with his blood.

"Dr. Digby, page Mr. Levy, and order a new bed to be made for Dominic. Can you also get a councilor to wait there." Dominic didn't move, but sat there, still staring at the scars.

"Dominic, come with me please." Guy said. Dominic stood, not meeting Guy's gaze as the man led him from the room.

Arthur raced up beside Dominic, "Why didn't you say anything, why didn't you tell Zosia and I?"

"Why would I?" Dominic retorted, slinking after Guy.

* * *

"Sit." Guy instructed as he directed Dominic to a bed. The small private room was not far from Keller which set Dominic's nerves on edge. "Sacha will be here soon to talk to you. Later, Mrs. Campbell and I will sit in on a counselor's meeting with you. Ok?" Dominic nodded, barely realizing what had been said.

"Give me the razor edge please Dr. Copeland." Guy instructed. Dominic didn't even question it. All he could think was. Arthur. Arthur. Arthur.

He handed over the blade, and Guy left, not without giving Dominic a sad glance, which only made Dominic feel more uncomfortable.

Dominic rolled onto the bed, curling up on his side. "Great job Dominic," he whispered, "great job..."


	2. Chapter 2

**Huge thanks for all the support, I love writing these and enjoy reading all of the reviews! It really makes my day! Thanks and enjoy! I am so sorry for the delay, I have been doing exams and have had some eye treatment recently, so it has been hard to write. Enjoy!**

Dominic looked up at the ceiling, his arms behind his head, legs folder as he lay back in the bed. The clock ticked irritably in the background, each tick making him sink deeper and deeper into a depressed state.

"Dom?" He had been so caught up in his own mind that he hadn't noticed Sacha enter, "You awake?" he asked. Dominic waited a moment before answering, seeing if Sacha might leave.

He didn't.

"No, I'm wide awake Mr. Levy." He growled back, shuffling up into a sitting position.

"Ah good," Sacha said with a smile, coming fully into the room and perching on the end of the bed, "So, self harm huh?" he paused, meeting Dominic's eyes.

"Yes," Dominic looked at him pointedly to continue.

"Oh, sorry, I just thought you'd have something to say," Sacha said, scooting around to better face Dominic.

"Um... No, I think that's why the councilor is coming." Dominic said, pulling his arms up and around his knees so that they were huddled to his chest, "Why are you even here Mr. Levy?" Dominic asked, meeting the man's eyes firmly.

"Well, one you are my F1 and I needed to make sure you were ok,"

"Bit late," muttered Dominic, but Sacha ignored him.

"And two, because I care about you, and I was worried when you had that attack in the corridor. And after Mr. Self told me that it was infact self harm, I had to talk to you."

"Uh huh..." said Dominic, letting his eyes drift to his feet, wiggling his toes was far more interesting.

"So um," Sacha watched as Dom began to sink back into his own zone, and he turned to his bag. He produced a sandwich from the cafeteria, and handed it to the young doctor, "Here, I thought you might be hungry." Sacha offered.

"Well I'm not, thank you." Dominic said, sitting back again so that he could stare at the blank wall of his room. It was plain, white, boring, much like this conversation.

"Dominic, I am trying to help you!" Sacha blurted out, almost growling.

"Yes, I can see that, but I don't need your help." Dominic said, his eyes still counting the number of bricks that made up the wall, anything to get away from the subject of self harm, or just himself entirely.

Sacha grumbled, running a hand through his hair, "Alright then Dominic, well I'll leave the sandwich here for later, I expect it to be eaten though," he said lightly, standing and moving towards the door, "do me proud when the councilor comes, don't be rude, and answer all of their questions. I'll send them in now."

Dominic nodded, blinking several times before looking at the door Sacha was just closing, "Mr. Levy," he called. The man stuck his head back around the door.

"Yes Dominic?"

"Thank you." Dominic said, forcing a smile.

Sacha smiled, content that he had atleast tried to help Dominic. Truth was, Dominic couldn't bare creating another person that might hate him as much as he hated himself, he had too many people who wanted him to slit his wrists, properly.

* * *

Digby looked down at his arm, running his fingers along the flat, clean skin. He winced as he recalled what he had seen earlier in Mr. Self's office.

"Digby!" Arthur looked up from his arm, turning in the chair he was sitting at in the staff room, "How was he, all I know is that he collapsed in the corridor, panic attack I heard. What happened?" Zosia said, hurrying into the room and pulling up a chair.

"He, um..." Digby hesitated, running his hand along the back of his neck, unsure as to whether he should disclose what he knew or not, "I don't know, but he's seeing a councilor soon, hopefully Mr. Levy or Mr. Self will tell us when that's been done." He said, looking up at Zosia to gauge her reaction.

"I heard their thinking about calling in a psych if things escalate anymore," ' _Fewh_ ' thought Digby, ' _she'd bought it_ ', "Sounds bad..." Zosia said looking at him worriedly.

"I'm sure it's nothing, you know Dom, always making a big deal out of everything." Digby said, forcing a smile and squeezing Zosia's hand, "No worries, right, he'll be fine." Zosia grinned back at the reassurance.

* * *

"Dominic, it's Mr. Self," Dominic looked up from his phone, trying desperately to not roll his eyes as Guy Self stuck his head around the door, "Mrs. Campbell and I have brought the councilor, can we come in?"

Dominic cocked an eyebrow, ' _why is he being so darn polite, asking if he can come into my hospital room, what's up with that?_ ' he thought, "Yeah sure, come in." He said, swinging his legs over the edge of the bed so that he faced the three chair situated next to 'The Blank Wall Of Boredom'.

Guy entered first, followed by a young looking woman, spectacles balanced on her overly thin face. Her eyes appeared too big for her head, like a frog, and her lips were too pursed, her cheek bones too sharp to be natural. The strange stick lady was swiftly followed by Serena.

"Thank you Dominic," Guy said, drawing the words out in an agonized tone, he must be playing up to the councilor, Dominic mused, settling himself down with some pillows to support his back.

The three sat with the councilor in the middle. She pulled a long, thin, black ink pen from her blazer pocket, producing a small file. She began to scribble as she spoke, "Hello Dr. Copeland my name is Dr. Jenny Harshock, I will be your Clinical Psychologist," she said, looking over the frames of her glasses at him. Dominic opened his mouth, but shut it as she looked away.

"Dominic," Mrs. Campbell began, "You need to try and answer as many of Dr. Harshock's questions as possible, alright?" Dominic nodded, his eyebrow cocked as he watched the strange woman continue to write, ' _What about, we haven't even started yet!'_ he thought angrily.

"Ok, Dr. Copeland. Let's start with a little about you," she began, leaning forward over the documents on her lap to fix Dominic with an inquiring glare, "are you single?"

"Um, yes..." Dominic said, unsure as to where this was leading.

"Gay or straight?" she asked flatly, which surprised him greatly.

"Gay." Dominic replied. The woman hurriedly scribbled before fixing him with another of her bulging eyed glares.

"So you self harm because you are ashamed of your sexuality, then?" she said. Dominic felt his ears burning up, anger suddenly rising in the pit of his stomach. For the sake of his already dampened reputation he ground his teeth, replying to Dr. Harshock's glare and accusation with an aggressive growling answer.

"No, I am content with being homosexual thank you." he said, surprised with how civil he sounded.

"Then your parent's disapproved of your homosexuality?" Dominic couldn't control himself. How dare she, how dare she say those things, such accusations!

"No!" he snarled, teeth bared as he too leaned in towards her, "this has nothing to do with my sexuality, nor my family! Stop making accusations and move onto facts Dr. Harshock!" He ground down on his teeth, eyes narrowing aggressively.

She didn't appear fazed, she sat back and smiled, her odd, pinched lips pulling at the skin around her mouth as she did so, "A classic denial case if ever I saw one." she said coolly.

Guy sat forward making a nervous look in Serena's direction before suggesting, "Maybe you should ask Dominic why he started, what triggered it, instead of these accusations?" Dr. Harshock fixed Guy with a hard stare.

"I do believe you'll find I am the expert here, step one is allowing the patient to understand why they are traumatized, step 2 is finding the trigger, step 3 is coping methods. But he must first realize why he does these things." she said turning to face Dominic, who was practically foaming at the mouth with rage.

"So, Dominic, if I may call you Dominic?" she asked. Dominic fought the urge to roll his eyes for the second time, he wasn't a little ten year old who had nicked cookies from the cookie jar, and he wouldn't be treated like one either.

"No, you can call me Dr. Copeland." He said firmly.

"Power association as escape option," she muttered as she scribbled down more notes, "wants to appear in charge to hide inner trauma." she looked up at him, continuing to smile. Dominic felt utterly repulsed.

"OK then Dr. Copeland, when did you find out you were gay?" Dominic had had enough, his patients had been worn through like a twenty year old football trainer. His hands balled up into fists.

"I told you!" he roared, standing his back arched as he moved towards her, his eyes narrowed in on her smug, stupid, plastic pencil face, "It has nothing to do with me being gay! So stop asking!" He fumed.

"I am afraid Dr. Copeland that behavior is not acceptable when in a meeting," she laughed before continuing, "you're like a wild animal," she continued to chuckle as she wrote down more.

Dominic passed a pained look towards Serena, certain that she would do something, but she wasn't looking at him to receive his message. Dominic had had enough.

"How dare you say that my behavior's unacceptable, you're so condescending and unnecessarily critical!" he snarled, "Mr. Self, this is completely inappropriate and I want you to leave, all of you!" he said, holding back his anger.

Jenny Harshock stood, placing a hand on Dominic's shoulder as Guy and Serena stood either side of her, "Just accept it Dr. Copeland, you'll never be happy as long as you have a gay attitude."

"You homophobic bitch!" Dominic roared. The slight heat and tingle in his hand told him what he had just done. Without even realizing it. A firm hand grasped his wrist and pulled him aside. Guy Self looked at him, not unsympathetically, but definitely angry. Dominic looked up at Dr. Harshock and gasped slightly.

Her cheek was swollen and red, a hand print shape forming there as she clutched it in surprise. She looked at him, stunned as Mrs. Campbell led her from the room.

"Sit down Dominic," Guy commanded. Dominic sat on the edge of the bed, staring down at his hand, "that should never have happened. I am sorry she was treating you that way, but hitting her was never an option." he said, his voice rippled with authority.

"She was being homophobic, she wouldn't let up on it the whole time. I know why I started self harming, I know why I did it!" he said, tears already forming in his eyes. Guy stared at him, unsure of exactly what to do.

"I'm sorry, but I had to let her continue, it's her job, I didn't think anything of it." Dominic swiped away a tear.

"You didn't do or think anything. You didn't care." He shuffled back on the bed and curled up so he was facing away from Guy.

"I'll get a nurse to bring you lunch." Guy said, opening the door. "I am sorry Dominic, really." Dominic looked up at him, he did appear genuine, but Dom dropped his head back down.

* * *

"Well that went well," Serena said, sitting on the edge of her desk as she spoke to Guy, "what's our next move, you know he won't trust another therapist now." She added, sipping her tea.

"Not yet," Guy said, leaning back in his office chair, "we need to order a psych, he completely lost it in there." Serena looked over.

"He's bad but not bad enough for a psych, at least not yet. He hit that woman because she was being homophobic, which rings fair enough in my books. I am only sorry I didn't stop it sooner." she said softly, placing the cup down once it was drained.

"Are you going to tell Zosia?" she asked finally, meeting his eyes.

"No, she doesn't need to worry about this until there is something to worry about." he said finally.

"He did," Guy continued as he mused over his brief conversation with Dominic, "say he knew why he was self harming, and what triggered it, perhaps a new therapist, maybe with more self harm experience to assess his general state of mind, and if that doesn't go well, or things escalate, then we can call for a psych."

"He's self harming, when will it be something to worry about?" Serena asked. She strode towards the door and sighed, "I'm heading back to AAU I have some patients waiting on results. I'll also request a second therapist, and I am sure I won't need to convince Jenny Harshock to keep quiet about the incident, she was very shocked." she said, Guy smiled and nodded, before Serena allowed the door to swing shut behind her.

* * *

There was a soft knock at the door and a young male nurse entered. "Dr. Copeland, I have your lunch for you. Where would you like it?"

Dominic wanted to be alone, he didn't want to be seen like this by anyone. "I don't care, I'm not going to eat it anyway." he muttered. The nurse placed it on the bedside table out of Dominic's vision.

"It's good today," the nurse continued, Dominic was barely listening, "fish and chips today, muffins as well. I brought you a chocolate one, always helps make me feel better." he said, and by the tone of his voice Dominic could tell he was smiling.

"Thanks, but I'm good. Go and give it to someone who wants it." he said. There was silence, the male nurse shuffled over to the tray and then sat on the bed. Dominic flinched.

"I would eat it." he said, looking at Dominic over his shoulder. Dominic had sat up and was staring at the nurse, annoyed.

"Do you mind," he grumbled, "but I said I didn't want it, can you get off of my bed and leave please." The nurse shrugged and stood, looking at the tray then back at the pissed off Dominic.

"I'll leave it there in case you change your mind." he said, before exiting the room.

"Creep," Dominic said between gritted teeth. He rolled over to inspect his food, when something more exciting caught his eye. Cutlery. Spoon, fork and knife. Clearly Guy hadn't instructed any of the staff members to not give him sharp objects, thank goodness. Dominic reached out and tentatively plucked the knife from the plate.

The smooth metal was cool under his touch as he admired its edge. It wasn't sharp edged, but serrated. That had its ups and downs. It would last longer, and create bigger cuts, as well as being more work. Either way Dominic was happier with the instrument on his hands.

He lifted it above his left arm, thinking back to the horrible feelings from earlier, the tears, the anxiety. He felt the cool metal connect with his skin, the serrated edge digging into his flesh. A tingling burning sensation began as he worked at the line. ' _One this time,'_ he thought as he dragged the blade along his arm, _' too many will make it even harder to conceal.'_ He opened his eyes as the feeling of warm liquid running down his arm.

The blade had done its job, a deep and long cut was now streamed across his left arm. It was longer and wider than any of the others that he had done before, and yet even more satisfying. He sighed as the blood oozed from the wound, his eyes flickering shut.

* * *

"Chris just took Dominic his lunch," Sacha said, smiling at Serena and Guy as the pair inspected the beds on Keller, "he said Dominic was being all distant and harsh. But I told him, 'eh that's Dom for you'." Sacha said, chortling to himself.

"What was he given?" asked Serena absently as she looked over a young woman who had a swollen leg, her face caked in blood.

"Fish and chips I think, I told him to take a chocolate muffin up too, sweeten it a bit." Sacha said happily, peering over Serena's shoulder to see what she was looking at.

"Good, good. So he had no trouble finding the plastic utensils I set aside for Dominic then?"

Sacha paused, tilting his head and scratching his chin, "Um... I don't recall him mentioning it, but I'm sure he found something." He said.

Guy looked up while Mrs. Campbell continued onto the next bed, "You didn't make sure it was plastic?"

"I just assumed-" Guy grabbed Mr. Levy's arm and pulled him over.

"You assumed!? That young man may have been given a metal knife. Are you insane?" Guy growled.

"It's serrated." Sacha pointed out as he tried to pry himself from Guy's iron grip.

"Mrs. Campbell." Guy said over his shoulder, the woman walked over, confusion written clearly on her features.

"Mr. Levy didn't make sure Dominic had plastic utensils." Serena was the first to jump.

"Come on then, we need to go make sure he hasn't got one." The three raced off towards Dominic's room.

* * *

Dominic's eyes fluttered open, bleary from blood loss. He looked down at his arm, groaning in pain as he saw it was still bleeding, and bruising around the edges, just moving it made him moan.

The blood was flowing quickly down his arm, and had already dripped all over the floor. He could hear the sound of voices, hurried footsteps, and he looked at his plate and cursed.

The door flew open, Dominic lay perfectly still, his back to them as he closed his eyes, letting out soft sighs of sleep.

Beside him, under the blanket was the knife, fork and spoon. He felt them move into the room, closing the door slowly.

"I think he's asleep." Dominic heard Sacha say. He then heard footsteps approach the plate behind him.

"There's no cutlery at all, Sacha, did your nurse forget?" Guy said. A second pair of foot steps padded to stand beside Guy.

"He hasn't eaten any of it. It must have been in here for at least an hour by now." Serena commented.

"Should we wake him and ask?" Dominic felt himself heat up, he also had the blood stained towel wrapped around his arm, the same one that he had used to clean the floor moments before.

"No, let him sleep, I doubt he'll be getting much." Serena said gently. Dominic sighed.

"What's this?" The hair along the back of his neck stood on end as he felt a pressure on the bed. ' _Shit'_ he thought, ' _I didn't check the bed sheet to see if there were any stains!'_

"Ketchup?" Sacha said, his feet coming around to stand beside Serena and Guy.

"There's none on his plate." Guy noted, his eyes now bearing into the back of Dominic's head.

"Dominic? Are you awake?" Serena asked, placing a hand on his arm. Dominic winced. Guy looked to Serena before taking the blanket in his hand.

"Let him sleep. It can't be serious, a tiny dot like that." Sacha said. Guy still held the blanket. If he lifted it any more he would have seen a large red stain covering the bed, far bigger than even Dominic liked to admit.

"He winced, Sacha, he must have a fresh one." Guy argued, however it was Serena who said something.

"Let's just lift the sheet, see if there's anything there, if there is, we wake him, if not, he would never have to know. OK?" She said. The men grunted back.

Dominic, in a fairly smooth motion considering his blood loss, and sudden dizziness, rolled over, like anyone who was asleep would. He hadn't accounted for the fact that he was now lying on his arm, which flared angrily under the pressure of his body. He winced again, eyes squinting slightly.

"He must be having a dream, I'm sure he's fine." Sacha said. Dominic didn't dare to crack open his eyes at all, but he heard Serena sigh.

"Guy, come back in an hour. Investigate then. He seems so peaceful, and I would hate to wake him and frighten him more." Guy seemed to freeze, and Dominic waited with batted breath.

"OK, but only an hour."

"I'll tell the nurses to leave him for a while." Serena said. The three filed out of the room, one of them stopping the door from slamming shut.

* * *

Digby watched them leave, the sick feeling in his stomach coming to an edge. "Digby, what are you doing?" Digby jumped, turning to face Zosia.

"What are you looking at?" she asked peering over Arthur's shoulder. "Is that where Dom is?" she said, leaning in to try and see the door name tg.

"No, no I was seeing if Guy was in there, come on Zosh." Digby said, gently moving Zosia away.

"Bu-but!" she protested, but it was futile as Digby steered her away.

Once she was back behind the desk, Digby sighed, looking down at his timetable, great, he had half an hour before he had to scrub in for a car accident surgery, then twenty minutes after that for a transplant. Great.

"Thanks for that Digby." came a soft voice, Digby spun around, his eyes widening as he noticed Guy Self standing a little away, "I don't think she's ready to know yet, do you?" Digby shook his head. The man smiled and turned away. "Keep up the good work," he paused, "and leave Dominic for a while, he is getting some sleep."

 _'Hum,'_ mused Digby, _'Dominic has never slept during the day, the man has always struggled with it... so how was he sleeping during the day without a sedative?'_

Digby slowly made his way towards Dominic's room. It all seemed quiet as he opened the door a touch. Ducking his head inside he could see Dominic lying on his side, facing away from Digby. However he appeared to be eliciting small groaning noises.

"D-Dom," he asked quietly, creeping further into the room, "are you awake?"

Dominic's head looked over his shoulder weakly, his eyes looked glazed and out of focus.

"C-cut too deep...loss...bruising...dizzy..." Dominic slurred, still facing away from Digby.

Arthur moved fully into the room, hurrying around the side of the bed. He could see blood was starting to pool on the floor, Dominic's bed sheets were crimson.

"What did you do!" Digby exclaimed, reaching for Dominic's arm. Dominic barely moved, too weak to protest. Digby inspected the arm. The cut was sloppy, deep and dripping blood. The edges of skin surrounding it turning a stomach churning greeny purple.

"I am going to try and put some stitches in this," Digby said, reaching for one of the trolleys in the room with a med kit, "Then I will bandage it up and fetch Guy and Serena." Dominic started when Digby said that, meekly trying to pull back.

"No...please...they'd...me...think...suicide...I-" his eyes fluttered, and the beeping of his machine warned Digby how much blood he had lost.

"I have to..." Digby mumbled. He retrieved the needle, threading it quickly. He felt anxiety and nerves threatening, but steadied his hand. He passed the needle through the bruised skin, eliciting a moan from Dominic.

Eventually the stitch was done, and Digby quickly bound the arm. Dominic's eyes fluttered open as Digby made to leave.

"Please..." Arthur spun around to face him.

"You have to be watched. This is dangerous. They will see your arm either way and it would be better come from me." Digby said finally.

* * *

Digby closed the door softly behind him, sweat beading on his brow. "Shit, shit, shit!" he muttered, making his way down the corridor to Guy's office.

"Digby?" Arthur jumped, turning to see Guy, Serena and Sacha heading towards Dom's room from the other corridor, "What are you still doing here?"

Digby stalled for a moment, not sure whether to be grateful they were there, or worried. "I , urgh... I went to-" Guy stalked over, eyes fixed on Digby.

"You, 'urgh' what Dr. Digby?" Guy growled. Serena and Sacha hovered by Guy.

"I just put my head around the door. He's my friend. And he was groaning... and-"

"You went in, and you saw him in pain. And you didn't call us because?" Guy snapped, he then turned to Sacha and Serena, "I told you!" I told you there was something wrong."

"I-" But Guy was at Dominic's door, throwing it open and rushing into the room.

Sacha stood beside Digby, looking down at the F1. "You shouldn' have dealt with it on your own without notifying us first Arthur." Mr. Levy pointed out sternly.

* * *

Serena moved around the bed, joining Guy beside Dominic.

"Is he conscious?" she asked, looking over at his machine's while Guy moved the blankets.

Guy stepped back, cursing under his breath. Despite the pool of blood, Dominic's bed was soaked with red. "He has lost a lot of blood..." Guy said slowly, looking at the bandaged arm. As he moved it, he heard a loud clatter. A spoon, a fork and a metal serrated knife clanged to the floor.

"SACHA!" Roared Guy, kicking the objects away from Dominic.

At the shout, Dom's eyes fluttered open, and he nearly jumped at the sight of Guy Self.

" ...?" he groaned, nervously, "It's not...looks like...not..." he seemed almost delirious and unaware as his head moved away from Guy to look at the ceiling.

"I want blood here, now, and I need X-rays, blood counts and I think," he turned to Serena, "we need to report this to a psych unit. This could have been a suicide attempt." Serena nodded, calling in some nurses to fetch the bloods and order the X-rays and tests.

Dominic groaned, looking at the arm. Guy began to unbind the wound, and winced at the appearance.

The bruising had intensified, and the wound still seeped despite the stitches.

"Dominic, concentrate on my voice," Guy said, touching the tender arm, "I am going to sedate you, you are not well, and we do not want anything to happen while the nurses and doctors work on you. Sit still."

Dominic flinched at Guy's touch, his arm felt heavy and throbbed with aggressive pain that seeped through his body. Guy slowly lifted the needle to Dominic's other arm, and injected the sedative.

Dominic squirmed beneath him, as the nurses arrived to the scene. He clenched his teeth, trying to speak, but he was already exhausted. "Not...suicide...no...psych...please..." then his eyes fluttered closed, body still tensing and relaxing for little after.

"I want him cleaned up, and in the private room upstairs. I want him observed 24/7 do you all understand?" Everyone in the room nodded, and moved in on Dominic.

* * *

Serena leaned against Guy's desk as the man reappeared. "What happened? Is he ok?" Guy produced the knife.

"It was in the room. He used a serrated knife." Guy said, a hand running through his hair.

"We need to think about sending him to an intensive care unit..." Serena said quietly.

"No!" Guy snapped, "Holby City has to be seen as being able to deal with this. If we put all of our problems onto other units and hospitals we will seem inexperienced and weak."

Serena fixed Guy with a hard glare, "He needs the best care possible, and I don't know whether Holby has the facilities to cope with this."

Guy placed the knife on his desk. "We'll see. Let's wait until he is conscious first."


End file.
